a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
