last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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