i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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