I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
