We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
