I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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