Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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