i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
