you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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