So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
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just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
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HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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