I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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