Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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