He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
