you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
