Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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