well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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