forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
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We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
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I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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