that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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