Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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