someone owes me an orgasm
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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