Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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