so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
