I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
