And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
