Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
