I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
