Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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