Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
