My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
