Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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