Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
