dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
