I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I woke up under a house in Key West
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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