i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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