oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
