We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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