At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
