so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize