if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
