Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
even my farts smell like vagina
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
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A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.