So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.