epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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