Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster