the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do