Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof

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  (757): So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof http://tfl.nu/xt5p
  Replies (4) Good night (3824) Bad night (832)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning

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  (616): a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning http://tfl.nu/f62h
  Replies (29) Good night (5848) Bad night (1115)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.

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  (617): road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school. http://tfl.nu/xo9e
  Replies (36) Good night (1624) Bad night (4168)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"

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  (208): The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?" http://tfl.nu/toa2
  Replies (17) Good night (7746) Bad night (1601)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme

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  (662): looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme http://tfl.nu/w8jn
  Replies (16) Good night (3729) Bad night (1535)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife

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  (306): Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife http://tfl.nu/6k5s
  Replies (15) Good night (1019) Bad night (6934)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."

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  (404): You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet." http://tfl.nu/ru2n
  Replies (5) Good night (3849) Bad night (786)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs

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  (307): i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs http://tfl.nu/99qm
  Replies (9) Good night (3304) Bad night (834)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.

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  (303): You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them. http://tfl.nu/oqni
  Replies (6) Good night (1564) Bad night (2773)
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  (212): View more from New York

  Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?

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  (212): Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes? http://tfl.nu/3emh
  Replies (4) Good night (1183) Bad night (497)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.

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  (508): It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law. http://tfl.nu/9zdw
  Replies (8) Good night (1119) Bad night (443)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.

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  (920): We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing. http://tfl.nu/xflx
  Replies (6) Good night (958) Bad night (328)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.

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  (701): I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign. http://tfl.nu/tjoa
  Replies (0) Good night (370) Bad night (579)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.

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  (337): So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned. http://tfl.nu/3vjy
  Replies (1) Good night (661) Bad night (307)
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  (408): View more from California

  im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake

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  (408): im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake http://tfl.nu/9w4m
  Replies (1) Good night (462) Bad night (149)

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