I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
