I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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