I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
