what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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