Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
