Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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