You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
