you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
