She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
