Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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