How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
