smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
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