so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
