Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
