how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
