If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs