My sheets look like a crime scene.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
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