if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?