I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This Girlâ€™s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.