she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.