so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
