Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
