I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
