We won't sleep together?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
