Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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