It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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