look no pants
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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